I am incredibly fortunate that I live nearby my fertility center where I can opt to spend one monday a month with others sharing in the journey. Last night's meeting helped me center myself again (apparently I need "centering" on a regular basis) as I tend to lose my way in the mess that is infertility.
Speaking of infertility... 23 cycles into this journey, with 22 past failed cycles, I somehow STILL cannot fully come to terms with the fact I am infertile. Typing it is even a challenge. After last night and the previous month's meeting, I literally was reduced to tears on the way home trying desperately to accept this blatant fact. I never wanted to be that person... as I am sure none of us do. But it seems that no matter how many times I set foot into the center and tell my story and hear other stories, it just won't sink in. I guess I still hold onto the dream I had when I was growing up - to fall in love and be a family - a right we all should have. Somewhere along the way, it was my fortune to be presented with this more complex and emotionally charged method of seeking my dreams. Perhaps when we meet with the RE on Monday and plan for our first IUI it will sink in.
It's time to come out of the closet and make my intentions known to those around me...
I am infertile and I will do what it takes to get pregnant!
I will make it my mantra :)
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