struggling with choices

I truly never thought I would be one of those who needed to pursue ART. Not only that... but I would never have even had a clue what ART meant.

Why yes... I took art in college! Painting, photograpy, graphic design, etc!

Now that I do, it puts a whole new twist on mortality and fate for me. Not that I enjoy the added doctor appointments and tests we must endure... but this is what we chose to focus on. I love my family dearly and I know they are looking out for me, but sometimes it is harder to see than others. I'm sure there are plenty of you out there that can share in this "mini war" that can occur:

Infertile Couple vs. Religious Family

RF: So... are you two thinking about kids?
IC: We are working on it.
RF: Oh... so soon then huh?
IC: (with little detail of course) It is not as easy as we thought it would be, but we hope soon.
RF: Oh don't worry. It will happen when you least expect it!

Simple enough. Basically neutral... and the clever usual lines made their appearance. Months pass and we attempt to mention the testing that will commence:

IC: We will be getting some testing done to see what we can do to make this all work.
RF: Really? What kind of tests?
IC: Basically to see if all my insides are in working order, hormones are where they need to be and his count is good. Then we can come up with a plan from there.
RF: Well, even if there is a problem, you can always just give it more time right?
IC: We don't plan on stopping trying while the testing is going on. We just want to know if this will happen on our own.
RF: It will happen when the time is right.

A little more emphasis placed on the "leave it to nature" camp. Once testing is complete, then things get sticky:

IC: Well, it turns out his morphology is really low possibly from his diabetes. It could also be other things given the trouble he has had with his chronic pains.
RF: Oh! So even though his morphology is bad, it will improve if his diabetes gets under control! That's great!
IC: Possibly. It may not be the only factor for the low numbers, but I hope a few months will make a difference.
RF: So I don't understand why you had to go through all the testing if you already know the problem.
IC: We did not know until we had the bulk of the tests. Either way, if things do not progress on their own, this information will help us figure out our next step.
RF: Why don't you just give it more time and when his numbers get better, then it will work...

At that point, I nod my head and leave the room. Clearly, the possibility that that will not be the answer is not an option to them. The infertile couple has stopped mentioning testing. It is best to just do what needs to be done sans support from the family. We have heard so many times that it will happen "when the time is right," "in God's time," or "when you aren't even thinking about it." Although we appreciate the support they try to offer in the best way they know how, they are just not open to seeing that there is another possibility out there for us that we may have to pursue.

In my opinion, if there is a God out there... he/she would say to us:

"I gave you all I can give you as individuals. It is up to you with the knowledge and abilities you have to do wonderful and amazing things. After all, your abilities were created by me and nothing is more fulfilling to me than to see you use those abilities to become stronger."

I do not believe he/she would see our triumphs over tragedy as showing disrespect or "playing God." I truly believe we also need to play a big part in our own destiny. God may walk with us... but we ultimately choose our path.

Perhaps this is me just trying to justify the fact that my choices fall on deaf ears with little support, but I like to believe there is more out there for all of us if we just put our minds to it and persevere. I completely respect others' belief systems and do not deny them the opportunity to embrace those beliefs. All I ask is that you do the same in return... we desperately want and need the support, no matter the path we take.