Friday, July 15, 2011

now what?

Soooo tired of trying soooo hard. I know I am not the first person who has had a failed cycle and I certainly will not be the last. As a matter of fact, things could be soooo much worse. I quietly mourn my trivial shortcomings to avoid burdening people with them-or simply avoid the possibility that I will lose friends with my downright crappy mood and overall attitude.

The nurse told me over the phone to give them a call when my cycle starts again and they will get me in right away to do another set of meds. I said ok, but I didn't mean it for crap. We are at the end of the line. My options are to either find the excessive amount of money to move onto IVF, find the excessive amount of money for adoption... or submit to a childless life with dogs as my companions. The latter is not my favorite choice-but quite honestly, it may very well be the only option. We are not financially able to pay for more advanced procedures or adoption. Hell, I can't even find a job that yields more than a minimum wage position in take home pay. It is disgusting and depressing and it is taking its toll on me.

FYI-should I ever try again, I will never, ever touch a first response test again. My apologies to that company as they usually have accurate results with most people. I, on the other hand, always get a second line-ALWAYS. Great for leading on an already suggestible brain.

Remember that thing about every cloud having a silver lining-my cloud again comes with lightning...and lots of it. Hooray for pessimism. Time to take a step back from the journey, the blog, and obsessing about things I cannot have. I need a drink before this gets out of hand...

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