You would figure the start of my next cycle would at least put me out of the misery of the two week wait. After all, I had a record short cycle of 23 days from start to finish. I was completely blindsided by the witch-a nice relaxing Sunday night obliterated by a simple trip to the bathroom. I can't recall the last time I completely broke down at the end of a cycle, but this time, I just could not help it. I tried to regain my composure and join the husband downstairs who quite accustomed to my moods and signals. He immediately asked what was wrong and tried to be supportive. He tells me he is sure it is his fault and he is sorry he can't give me what we want. It really is heartbreaking to see him think he is to blame. Of course I cannot stress enough to him there is not reason to blame anyone... it is our problem to work through. Once the last tear was shed and numbness took over, we grabbed a quick dinner of McChickens and Cheeseburgers, watched one of our many movies from our extensive movie collection.
We are both raw and defeated and the thought of losing this next cycle to the Laparoscopy on 11/24 and then the following cycle to recovery only multiplies the sense of helplessness. If there is anything I dislike more than being helpless... it is when time is not used wisely. I, for the life of me, still cannot figure out why the lap is even necessary. My HSG came out with 2 clear tubes, a good shaped uterus and blood work revealed normal hormone levels... what the hell else could be causing problems?! And just for formality, I get to have blood drawn tomorrow to quantitatively be certain there is no pregnancy prior to commencing the next cycle of wasting time. I am no stranger to the land of failed cycles. I know what a period and a negative home pregnancy test looks like.
Here's to a wasted cycle 25... and perhaps a better outlook tomorrow...
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