back again... with hesitancy

Hey look! I am still here, silent as ever. Since my last update, we have moved into a new home (finally) and abandoned assisted fertility methods completely. But even on our own, we managed to have what I believe was a successful conception-which promptly ended with a normal timed cycle day one on Christmas Eve... what used to be my favorite holiday. I couldn't say I was shocked at the outcome of course.

From that point on, we just didn't think about it. We couldn't think about it. Until this past cycle...

We opted for a more non traditional home-based method combined with a round of clomid. I fully expect my cycle day one to make it's token appearance as the spotting began 2 days ago. However, this spotting is not regular spotting. So being that this is 14 days past ovulation and I needed to quell the inner POAS monster, I tested.

Please do not be fooled-I have been religiously peeing on stick for several days now, sometimes several times a day. It should be classified as a medical illness by now. This is my nemesis...

Strangely, after staring at this pretty little test imagining it laughing at me... I saw a very faint second line. Naturally this prompted me to use three more in succession to see if the results were similar. That they were. A terribly little faint line that a average person would not take a second glance (although I did have the husband confirm the is something to be seen there). FYI-digital tests will still tell you "not pregnant" at this point-yes, I tried (and now I wasted my only digital test!). After the initial pounding heartbeat subsided, I have settled into a waiting pattern. Not only have I run out of tests, but obviously I need to wait for the dreaded cycle day one... or a darker line. I am beginning to remember why we had to stop trying so hard in the first place. It is all consuming.

The waiting is the worst... but at least I have a semi level head about it. You can be sure I will be back with another update as to the end of this story.