cautious optimism with a side of fear

My first and second IUI consisted of 9 days of stimulation followed by progesterone suppositories for the second part of the cycle. This cycle is already on day 15 of stimulation and the prospect of intramuscular progesterone daily scares the hell out of me. The IUI is finally forecasted for Thursday or Saturday given the dominant follicle is nearly 18mm and 2-3 are close behind.

Lord knows I will stick with whatever I need to do to maintain my own version of comfort, sanity, and sense of self-control of an otherwise uncontrollable situation... but the drugs are beginning to physically make me exhausted, nauseous and bloated. Emotionally, I continue to focus on the end result with a fantastic set of follicles developing. On the flip side, I am still scared to death that even if we are fortunate enough to conceive this time... will my body fail me again? Chromosomal reports revealed a perfect 46XX karyotype-meaning a perfect girl. Now I know there is the chance that the sample analyzed is of my own tissue and not of the embryo, but it is all I have left to cling on of my baby. It is all that remains from what all seems like a dream now. I think there is some comfort in believing that heartbeat belonged to our little girl.

The heart is willing and the body ready. I just need to find the confidence and positive attitude...